The Russian Housemaid of Metrotown
by Suri Kitsuneshi
Summary: The Association of Evil supervillains prank LOSE by sending a maid... As a way of saying 'CLEAN UP YOUR ACT' Needless to say, she decides to stay with LOSE. She has nowhere to live, anyway. Doktor FroggxOC, possible Red MenacexOC
1. Arriving

**This is my fanfiction for League of Super Evil! I've recently been SUPER into it, heh heh... I really work the evil laugh, don't I...?  
****Dear jesus I SUCK...  
****I don't own LOSE or any of it's characters... Or else I would be a crazy happy girl!**

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Prologue

" Thanks for the ride, Sergei!" A petite russian girl named Natalia, with deep crimson eyes and jet black hair said to a blonde boy in a mercedes. She got out of the beautiful car, with a shiny black suitcase and a cheap Invader Zim messenger bag from Hot Topic, no doubt filled with art supplies and CDs... She got a few feet from the car and waved with a smile that made angels cry.

" No problem, See you later!", Sergei flashed the 'horns' sign with his right hand before driving off slowly, the sound of 'I Hate Everything About You' by Three Days Grace fading from the street.

She stepped carefully along the path, fighting the urge to just leave. She reached the door finally, and knocked twice.


	2. Natalia Bio

Name; Natalia Ivanov

Occupation; League of Super Evil's housemaid.

DOB; 10/13/90

Eye color; crimson

Hair color; brown (dyes it black)

Likes; watching Lifetime and TNT, Doktor Frogg (likes nerds and smart guys), kids (NOT A PEDO! Just likes babysitting._.)

Dislikes; bees (really allergic), moody Voltar, crooked pictures, The Cougar, Force Fighters V, Rock Gothlington (thinks he's a wannabe)

Hobbies; drawing manga, playing guitar, cleaning, and taking care of Doomageddon (she calls him 'Doom-Doggie')

Her Life Before; Natalia grew up as a schizophrenic reject in rural northwestern Romania, with very Russian parents. She learned spanish and english from her brother Sergei, who was moving to America for a better job. She made him promise to drag her along the next time he visited, which was the day she turned nineteen. She got citizenship about a week after arriving, and has only been a resident of America for about a month or so... She speaks better spanish than english, drinks like a fish, and smokes like a chimney.


	3. The World Loves Wannabes

**My first real chapter! Enjoy it! It may seem boring at first, but it'll definitely pick up.  
****I don't own LOSE, or any of the characters. I own Natalia. :)**

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Chapter 1; The World Loves Wannabes

" Red Menace, Frogg! Get the door! My show is on and I do NOT wish to be disturbed!" Voltar barked, pointing to the door. " Someone's knocking! Hurry up before they go away!"

" Yes, Voltar!" Red said, quite enthusiastically. He skipped over to the door and looked through the peephole. " Oh! It's a girl! She's dressed all in black and she's carrying... Bags."

" Ooohh! It must be the housemaid The Metrotown Association of Evil Super Villains sent us!" Frogg said energetically. " I'll get it!"

" A girl?! Is she pretty? Get outta the way, boys. She'd probably want to speak to the man of the house."

The door flew open after much arguing.

" ... Erm.. Hello? I am Natalia Ivanov.. I am new housemaid, from Association of Evil Villains." Natalia said, chuckling nervously. So far, it seemed she was assigned to a madhouse from which there was no escape. " I-I have letter from them. They tell me not to open, just give to you so you can read."

" I'll take that, my dear.." Voltar said, grinning. He tore it open and read aloud " 'Ha-ha, you guys are such losers. We sent you a... Pretty little housemaid fresh out of.. Russia.. To hopefully, hopefully is in brackets... Clean up your... Act... Kisses, The Association of Evil Supervillians'..". Voltar's eagerness immediately came to an abrupt stop. " CLEAN UP OUR ACT?!?! WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!?!" The little red mutant yelled.

" Is that really what it says???" Dr. Frogg exclaimed, snatching the letter away and reading it quite thoroughly. " Clean up your.. Act.. Yup, That's really what it says."

" What that supposed to mean, eh? Natalia still have job, right?" Natalia said, eye twitching subtly. She had only just gotten to America a week ago, and was already VERY confused.

" I sure have got my hands full around here, what with cleaning, and Doomie. We could use some help around the house! I think you have a job, but we can... Only pay you with room and board." Red Menace said nervously. " A-Are you gonna stay?"

" Sure. Have no place to live right now anyway... By the way, I move to America last week.. if you haven't noticed, my English.. PSH, is terrible." Natalia said, scratching her neck and loosening her spiked collar a bit.

" That's okay! I've been living in America for most of my adult life. Where are you from IN Russia, then? I grew up in Siberia." Red said proudly. " I was a farm boy!"

Natalia shook her head, " Ha, I was farm kid too.. But no. People who give you letter get it wrong. I grow up in far side of northern Romania, but have.. VERY Russian parents... Siberia not sound bad, though.." She said, smiling.

" Same with me. My parents were German, but I grew up here in the states." Dr. Frogg cut in, trying to act suave. None of them had really talked to a girl in.. Well, forever.

" But... You have Polish accent. Ha ha. Ironic, no?" Natalia laughed. She leaned against the siding, putting down her shiny black suitcase and her Zim bag.

" Just don't call me Hitler..." Frogg said

" Don't call me Stalin, we do just fine, eh?"

" I'll take that.." Red said, picking up her suitcase and messenger.

" Where you take them? Make sure I not lose it here... Is bigger place then I have ever lived in."

" We have an empty room upstairs. You can stay there, I guess. We'll just move a couch up there or something." Voltar said.

" Come on in, I'll show you around!" Red said cheerily, beckoning her inside.

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**I'm stuck... :( I don't know what should happen next.. Help me, guys!**


	4. My Life is One Big Dark Room

**My second chapter... PHAIILL.. Yeah. Nata meets Doomie and the henchbots. The title of the chapter is a joke from Beetlejuice. If you don't get it, I'm sorry. You are very deprived. :D  
I don't own LOSE, or any of the characters. (DARN IT.) **

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Chapter 2; My Life is One Big Dark Room

" So... Can I just call you Natalia? This is Doomageddon, our pet doomhound." Red Menace said, gesturing to the sleeping yellow and brown mass in the corner. " Hey Doomie! Say 'hi' to our new maid! She's going to be living here with us from now on."

The yellow hell hound raised his head boredly, looking at Natalia for a moment. The he yawned, and went back to dozing.

" Doomhound? Some kind of... Demon?" Natalia asked, a cutely confused expression crossing her face.

" A pan-dimensional nightmare, to be quite frank... Hope that doesn't scare you. He even treats me like his own personal chewtoy..." Doktor Frogg mumbled, " This way, up the stairs..."

" The next three levels of our lair are the upstairs, where your room and Red's are... Doktor Frogg's laboratory, and my personal level... Never go up there, unless it is an ab-so-lute EMERGENCY." Voltar said with a snap.

" Errr... So, little kid in red suit is in charge here?" Natalia whispered to the two men behind her.

" Yeah. But Voltar isn't a little kid, though... At least, I don't think so... That's what he said..", Red trailed off, lost in thought in the middle of the stairs. " I really have no clue, to be honest!"

" Eh? What are you three muttering about back there? Come on!" Voltar snapped, pointing up the stairs.

They arrived at a very empty feeling room, moderately large, with gloomy, blank, gray walls and one big window without curtains. The fading sunlight bathed the room in an orangey-gold glow.

Voltar let out a sigh and leaned against the doorway. " This is our only free room, so I hope you don't hate it too much... Just downright depressing, isn't it?"

" I~ love it!" Natalia exclaimed leaping into the room, and rushing to look out the window. " Nice view... But it okay if we get curtains? The sun hurt my eyes terribly."

" But in the day... It's so dark... And... Creepy..." Red murmured.

" She's a goth girl, Red! They love dark at creepy... Of course.", Doktor Frogg made his know-it-all pose.

" Da. True. I am goth. I wear all black and listen to Three Days Grace and White Zombie. This room make me feel like home... And I mean that in good way." The little Russian girl said with a smile. " By the way... My brother Sergei drive over tomarrow in morning to bring the rest of my stuff around."

" How much more do you have?" Voltar asked suspiciously.

" My PS2, a shoebox full of videogames and CDs, one more suitcase, my guitar and my kitty-cat, Mishka."

" You have a PS2?!?! That's going to go in the living room!" Voltar exclaimed happily. " Do you have guitar hero?"

" All them I can find. 1, 2, 3, Aerosmith, World Tour, Metallica, and Rockband.", Natalia started digging in her Invader Zim bag for things. " I also have Super Smash Brothers Brawl. I kick anyone's ass at that."

" Wait a minute... You can play guitar??" Doktor Frogg cut in.

" And you have a kitty-cat??" Red added excitedly. " I LOVE CATS! But she and Doomie might not get along..."

" I do play guitar. Mostly Jimi Hendrix-ish kind of things... And I am sure my kitty would be fine with Doom-Doggie."

" Just make sure Doomageddon doesn't eat anything of hers, boys...", Voltar snapped his finger, and henchbots 32 and 17 appeared. " These are our henchbots, robots specially designed to do our evil bidding... They handle most of the cleaning that Red doesn't do himself."

" Sorry. I'll probably end up doing a lot of your job for you on accident. I go completely stir-crazy in a dirty house." Red Menace said, chuckilng nervously. 32 and 17 looked at each other, emoting a 'Really? We gotta work with THIS?'

" Is just fine with me. I am more concerned about crooked picture on wall, rather than dust or dirt on anything... I have obssessive compulsive disorder, almost as bad as Monk, from lifetime channel." Natalia said. She dragged a big CD case out of her bag and opened it reverently.

" You watch that channel too? I thought I was the only one... Well, I would if we had more than one channel on our TV.." Doktor Frogg laughed.

" What channel?"

" It doesn't have a name... It's only got one show with two stupid yaks watching paint dry on a wall. Red loves it." Voltar said in mock interest.


	5. Schizophrenia and Cupcakes

**Things have officially picked up! Natalia keeps a lot of posters on hand...  
I don't own LOSE, or any of the characters. **

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Chapter 3; Schizophrenia and Cupcakes

Red had moved their extra couch, an old moth eaten davenport, up the stairs and into the room. They found a warm blanket as well. Natalia was putting up posters and had plugged in her sound system, which had been in her suitcase. She was playing an older White Zombie album. someone knocked on the door.

" Da?", Natalia opened the door to see a rather fidgety looking Red Menace. " Why you look so nervous? Something wrong?"

" Uhmmm... You're not really gonna be.. Living here, are you?" Red asked, laughing nervously. "I-I mean, it's only been me, Doomageddon, Voltar, and Doktor Frogg for about a year and a half. Mr. Nelson and Steve, our neighbors on both sides, send us maids all the time, but they.. They always leave. I-is there something wrong with us??"

" You seem awful stressed... Buut.. No worries. This is only place I have to go, aside from Sergei's apartment... I not want to go back there for long time." Natalia said, grinning. " Like I say. No worries, buddy... And from what I see... Your place is mellow compared to mine, back home in Romania. I have Sergei, his friends come and go all the time. I have to clean there... I have little sister Kiska, who want me to come back to Romania and take her away... Trust me. There is nothing here I cannot handle."

" Your little sister wants you to take her away? Why?"

" My parents are overbearing and angry... It seems they are mad at me for EXISTING. Is probably because I am schizophrenic.." Natalia trailed off in a somber tone.

" You're schizophrenic???" a voice said from around the corner. Doktor Frogg back-stepped toward them.

" Really?"

" Da. But I am very medicated... It make the voices go away.", Natalia sighed. " Sometimes... I miss them. They were not bad at all. They were like Jeanne of Arc's 'angels'. They never tell me to do bad things.. I was rebellious child, THAT was all me... You not think less of me for that, do you?"

" No, no. I've always wanted to meet a schizo." Doktor Frogg said, convincingly faking excitement. This could be useful to him someday.

" Ha. Well.. Pfh. Is not much to see. I not hear them since I start taking pills. They make the voices go away."

" Really? What was it like having voices, Natalia?" Red said in child-like amazement.

" ... It was crowded. My head is always confused... But you are never lonely. Is kind of nice, because they almost.. EMPOWER me, it seem. I have three voices. A young girl named Kimmy. She seem to be about seven by sound of her voice. There is Bryce. He is about twenty five year old stoner guy... And Laura-Jean. Tall, older British woman." Natalia explained. Her face seemed to take a more somber note with each name.

" How long have you had these voices?" Doktor Frogg asked.

" You sound like stupid psychologists that try to get into my head. I have had them since I am.. Five, I think. I start to take pills when I am sixteen. I am nineteen now. Any more questions?"

" Doktor Frogg... This seems like a bit of a delicate subject. Don't pry--", but Red was cut off by a large metal claw in front of his freckled face.

" She's going to be living here, Red. If she is a dangerous psychopath, that could help us out in our plans sometime." Frogg snapped.

" Oh, there is no doubt I am dangerous psychopath! ... But it have nothing to do with my voices though." Natalia said slightly sassily, hands on her hips. " If you need psycho, you have psycho. Now please, can we change subject to something other than my mental sicknesses??"

" Sure." Frogg said, a mischievious smile creeping across his face.

" Do you like cupcakes?" Red asked, his energetic side rising up again. Frogg buried his face in a claw in embarrassment, " I'm gonna bake something tomorrow, and I feel like cupcakes."

" Oh da. I love anything sweet. Baked goods to the max.", The russian girl did an air-punch.

" Okay~! Well, I still need to run to the store. Byeee~", Red walked off, down the stairs, and out the door.

" ... Erm... Is he..?", Natalia gestured helplessly.

" He's not gay, if that's what your wondering.. I just sometimes think he should be a good guy..." Doktor Frogg said, claw still mashed against his face.


End file.
